Rods Story: There’s Still Light in the Tunnel
- Apr 6
- 3 min read
My name is Rod. Last June, I decided I’d had enough. I tried to end things. As it turns out, I was pretty rubbish at it. Thank God for that.
Everything had hit a wall at once. I was staring down a divorce. My ex-wife had taken the dog. She claimed I wasn’t looking after it or myself. She wasn’t wrong. I was empty. I was done.
But I’m standing on the other side of that line now. I’m here to tell you there is a light at the end of the tunnel. It is easy for me to say that because I’ve reached it. I need you to know it exists.
The "Man Up" Myth
We’ve all heard it. It is one of the most toxic phrases in the English language. "Man up." Some bloke who hasn’t a clue what you’re going through tells you to sort yourself out and get on with it.
I think they have it backwards. To actually "man up" is to have the stones to say "I am struggling." Admitting you need a bit of help is the strongest thing you can do.
There is help out there. I know the crisis teams can be hit and miss. I have been there and done that. It can feel like a shambles. But keep looking. There are people and communities ready to catch you.
Finding the Anchor
When I came out of the hospital, I had to find something to hold onto. For me, it was music. I love playing the guitar and listening to records. When I was in the thick of it, in the eye of the storm, I couldn’t see it. Once the fog cleared, the thought of never playing again was unbearable.
I eventually told my mates what had happened. They were floored. I was always the happy, jokey one. But that’s the thing about this struggle. You can be the life of the party and still have a massive, sucking emptiness inside you.
The Autism Factor
In 2022, just after my mum passed away, I was diagnosed with autism. I have no siblings and no parents left. I am on my own.
That diagnosis was a massive shock. Suddenly, all the pieces of my life started to click. I understood why I behaved the way I did and why I looked at the world differently. But it also sent me into a spiral. I was trying to "mask" to appear normal. The pressure of that while grieving was too much to bear.
If you’re autistic and reading this, you know the weight of the mask. Trying to fit in while you’re still learning who you actually are is exhausting. It can break you if you let it.
All Things Must Pass
I find a lot of peace in a lyric by George Harrison from his song All Things Must Pass. It is all about beginnings and ends.
A sunrise doesn't last all morning.
A cloudburst doesn't last all day.
The night doesn't last forever.
The sun always comes back out. Daylight has a very clever way of finding us eventually.
If you’re in the dark right now, just hold on. I am here for you. The community is here for you. You are not on your own, even if it feels like it. Everything will work out. I promise.
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